Chaplains strive to help couples before, after marriage

Published June 8, 2007
By Corey Dahl
21st Space Wing Public Affairs

PETERSON AFB, Colo. -- When Tech. Sgts. Rickey and Whitney Johnson decided to get married, they started thinking about all the wedding preparations they would have to make.

Finding a cake, buying a dress, ordering flowers and - oh, yeah - scheduling some pre-marital counseling.

Following the recommendation of Chaplain Darrell Clark, the Johnsons attended weekly counseling sessions for months before taking the big step this past Memorial Day weekend.

The couple says the sessions - which dealt with everything from plans for children to financial responsibility - were key to preparing them for their future together.

"I know, for me, it took away all of the fears of walking in there and saying, 'I do,'" Sergeant Rickey Johnson said. "Once we walked into the church, I just felt ready. I felt prepared."

As the summer wedding season approaches and dozens of Airmen prepare to walk down the aisle, Peterson's chaplains are hoping more couples will follow the Johnsons' lead. All of the chaplains on base provide free, pre-marital counseling, something a lot of couples don't consider or maybe aren't aware of, the chaplains say.

"I recommend it to all couples, whether they're getting married at the chapel or not," said Chaplain Clark. "It just has so many benefits."

The sessions, which teach conflict resolution and communication skills, are more about education than therapy, the chaplains say, and are often tailored to couples based on their individual needs. Most of the counseling focuses on common problems areas for couples, such as intimacy and financial issues.

"A lot of couples don't realize how common those problems are, and, when they come up, they freak out," said Chaplain Robert Ward. "They don't turn to anyone and they end up throwing in the towel. I try to let them know that those problems are normal."

But while most of the issues discussed in pre-marital counseling are universal, the chaplains say they also realize that military couples face their own unique problems. Counseling sessions also tend to address potential stressors such as deployments, high-demand jobs and transient lifestyles.

"I think, with the War on Terror and a lot of marriages being stretched to the limit, we as chaplains are trying to do as much as we can from a preventative standpoint," said Chaplain Ward. "We want to help fix marriages before they're broken."

That's why the chaplains' preventative efforts continue well after the vows are spoken. The chapel also offers marriage counseling and couples workshops throughout the year.

"We tend to spend more money and time getting our oil changed than we do on our marriage," said Chaplain Ward. "A lot of couples don't realize that you constantly have to work at it."

That message sunk in for the Johnsons. After attending pre-marital counseling, the couple is better at communicating and working through problems, skills they'll need in the years to come, said Sergeant Whitney Johnson.

"There are still a lot of areas that we work on everyday," she said. "You don't just get married and everything stops. One thing we really took away from counseling was that this is an ongoing process."

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